CW: sexual assault, stealthing
it’s been a year
one whole year
365 days
8760 hours
since you took something from me
it’s been a year
since you decided
your pleasure
was more important
than my consent
it’s been a year
since you violated
my body
for your
fucking pleasure
our society is so fucked up
that you thought
it was okay
to
take the condom off
for your fucking pleasure
it’s been a year
since I was left
shaking
in my own bed
trying not to move
confused
anxious
scared
trying to understand why
it’s been a year
since you left me
unable to trust anyone
self conscious
of the choices
I make
for my body
it’s been a fucking year
since I was able
to have sex
it’s been a year
since I started thinking
sex was something
done to me
not something to enjoy
not something to get pleasure from
but something that happens to me
it’s been a year
since you said
your pleasure
was superior
to my fucking consent
fuck you
*I have chosen to publish this anonymously because, whilst I am not ashamed, I am not ready for my story to be completely out and I hope readers can understand this decision*
this is my story of being a victim of stealthing, a form of sexual assault that involves the non-consenual removal of the condom during sex. if you have been a victim of this too, please know you are not alone, you are entitled to feel angry/frustrated/scared/confused or anything else you feel and please reach out for support if you want to/can.
it took several months for me to feel ready to share this with the hysteria team and so whilst it has now been 16 months, the feelings are all still there and I still feel unable to have sex because I struggle to trust that someone will respect my choices. how can i move on from this? how can i get over this? how can we move on as a society so we get to a point where someone’s consent is not disregarded because someone else has decided their opinion/choice/desire is superior? I don’t have the answers but I hope that this piece can contribute to the wider conversation on sexual assault and consent.
Image courtesy of Nathan Dumlao