CW: sexual assault, stealthing

it’s been a year

one whole year

365 days

8760 hours

since you took something from me

it’s been a year

since you decided

your pleasure

was more important

than my consent

it’s been a year

since you violated

my body

for your

fucking pleasure

our society is so fucked up

that you thought

it was okay

to

take the condom off

for your fucking pleasure

it’s been a year

since I was left

shaking

in my own bed

trying not to move

confused

anxious

scared

trying to understand why

it’s been a year

since you left me

unable to trust anyone

self conscious

of the choices

I make

for my body

it’s been a fucking year

since I was able

to have sex

it’s been a year

since I started thinking

sex was something

done to me

not something to enjoy

not something to get pleasure from

but something that happens to me

it’s been a year

since you said

your pleasure

was superior

to my fucking consent

fuck you

*I have chosen to publish this anonymously because, whilst I am not ashamed, I am not ready for my story to be completely out and I hope readers can understand this decision*

this is my story of being a victim of stealthing, a form of sexual assault that involves the non-consenual removal of the condom during sex. if you have been a victim of this too, please know you are not alone, you are entitled to feel angry/frustrated/scared/confused or anything else you feel and please reach out for support if you want to/can.

it took several months for me to feel ready to share this with the hysteria team and so whilst it has now been 16 months, the feelings are all still there and I still feel unable to have sex because I struggle to trust that someone will respect my choices. how can i move on from this? how can i get over this? how can we move on as a society so we get to a point where someone’s consent is not disregarded because someone else has decided their opinion/choice/desire is superior? I don’t have the answers but I hope that this piece can contribute to the wider conversation on sexual assault and consent.

Image courtesy of Nathan Dumlao