One day I’ll look like you
I met you, by chance, on Zoom
Your small smiles rippling out into large wrinkles
Earrings bouncing, like mine, hair white, fluffy and still
Our prompt for the writing workshop was Edwin Morgan’s ‘At Eighty’
And you said you could attest to the creaking and boldness since you were also 80
I watched you and thought
One day I’ll look like you
I’ll have lost that currency of youth
Have to pay the toll of time
No more easy ways in with just a sweet grin
In fact, it’s already occurring.
I love partying and flirting.
I used to think I’d miss it when I’m old
But I’ve just decided I’m going to keep doing it
Why have I always seen a divide between women like me and women like you?
It’s been subconsciously ingrained to feel sorry for older women, especially those who wear and are as much as they want
One day I’ll look like you
Will my body have known the power of growing new life?
Expanded and exploited
Cut from hip to hip
Or torn anus to clit
Or will there be an unused space
I know I’m nearly thirty but
I’m not ready yet
I think it’s better to regret
Not having children
Than to regret having them
One day I’ll look like you
And maybe finally me and ma pals will have made that commune
But it doesn’t sit right with me.
No longer a need to fight for others or change the system because
We’ve used our multitudinous privileges to pay for an escape
A cheat code to access a safer level through this capitalist game
One day I’ll look like you
And maybe I won’t recognise myself or anyone I love anymore
I’ll be paying a
Care home corporation a thousand pounds a week
Out of my life’s love and labour
Whilst the people giving me the highest amount of intimate of care
Are getting paid the lowest amount that their employers can get away with
One day I’ll look like you
No matter how seriously I act to be taken seriously
I might as well be loud and silly
There’s so much stuff I could do better, so much in the world to worry about and I’ll try to do my best with my years
But in the end…
One day I’ll look like you
And I hope then that I am too
Still writing in creative writing workshops
Laughing with
Someone younger than me who is questioning the concept of youth
See Natalie’s performance of this poem here.
Image courtesy of Cristian Newman.
