All posts are from anonymous contributors to our platform. While The Hysteria Collective does not endorse drug-use, we believe that judgement-free education and resources can only have a positive impact on the safety and welfare of others. We’re not all massive druggos, we swear.
Colloquial name of drug: Weed, Ket, MDMA, Cocaine
Scientific name of drug: Cannabis, Ketamine, Ecstasy/Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, Benzoylmethylecgonine
Type of experience: Very mixed
Location: Reading Festival and at various points throughout university
Who I took it with: Friends
I’d like to preface this by saying that using drugs is not a bad thing. The negative stigma that surrounds drug use can be incredibly damaging and is something that I’ll always feel passionately about despite my own mixed experience. I also have anxiety and depression and suffer from several pain related chronic illnesses, which I think definitely impacted my experience.
I started smoking weed in first year of university when I was 18 and honestly didn’t like it all that much at first; however my closest friends and boyfriend at the time all smoked regularly and I fell into the habit.
Weed has always been the drug I’ve had the most difficult relationship with. People always say you ‘can’t be addicted to weed’; however, you can 100% become addicted to the feeling of being high, which is something I discovered quite quickly. Moving into second year, I began smoking at least twice a day, minimum. I smoked with my best friend and neither of us saw it as an issue because it was such a normal part of our routine. I became a high functioning smoker in a way, as I could smoke and then complete all the tasks I had for that day, losing that fun, giggly high that I experienced initially. I became reliant on it to fall asleep, any time I had a stressful day or tough shift at work, the only thing I wanted to do was smoke as soon as I got home. I smoked instead of taking traditional painkillers to relieve any pain I was feeling and discovered it worked better than any prescribed drug I’ve ever used. I don’t even want to think about the amount of money we spent when it got to the middle of second year and we’d be smoking around a gram a night between two of us. Looking back now, I know for sure that I was addicted to smoking and the sensation of being high.
Then, in the summer after second year, I attended Reading Festival and tried ketamine for the first time. Before this, I had tried a couple of other drugs, MDMA and cocaine, but I didn’t really like either of them and whilst I did them a few more times, I never really experienced anything ground-breaking. On the other hand, ketamine was completely different. I found that this was an entire experience, it made my whole body feel light and free, compared to the heaviness of a weed high. It felt like my brain was completely empty and there was nothing in the world to worry about. My anxiety went away and I didn’t feel any pain.
The main thing I remember is how it made the music feel; we were watching Pendulum and it was like every single note was travelling through my entire body, like the music was powering the energy we were all feeling. I remember looking up at the top of the tent and the stripes made it look like the tent was breathing. It was an entirely different experience to anything I’d felt before and I absolutely loved it. Despite this incredibly positive experience, however, I never became a regular user of ketamine like I did with weed. It was like the name of it and the stigma around ketamine itself deterred me, whereas so many people around me at university smoked weed, it was never seen as negative. I continued to smoke up until March 2020, stopping only when I moved back from my uni town to living with my parents and have had time to reflect on my experiences with drugs.
I wish someone had told me how easy it was to become addicted to the feeling of being high, and how you can become completely reliant on it. I now have a much more positive relationship with drugs, I don’t feel like I need them and can count the amount of times I’ve smoked in the last year on one hand.
I will never be anti-cannabis because of the amazing medicinal abilities it has, how it can prevent seizures and relieve massive amounts of pain; however, I will always encourage people to know their limits. If you ever feel like you need an illegal drug to function, then you should take a step back and evaluate whether this substance is having a positive or negative impact on your life. Are you spending more money than you can afford? Are you choosing to take drugs over spending time with friends? Has it become such a regular part of your routine that you barely even feel high anymore?
I wish I had had someone to ask me these questions when I was deep in my addiction so I could find my way out sooner.
Advice to others:
Know your limits!! Always start with a small amount of any drug and build it up if you want to. Never go straight in with the same amount as someone who’s taken that drug before as your body won’t be prepared for it. Don’t be afraid to turn down a second or third dose, or tap out of that joint being passed around. Forcing yourself to take more is incredibly dangerous and can make you really unwell, it’s not worth it. Ensure you are always with friends you can trust, if they’re pressuring you in any way then they aren’t true friends and you shouldn’t take any more substances with them. Get a drug testing kit and test your substances, it’s better to be safe than sorry!
Finally, everyone has different experiences and reactions to drugs, just because someone else had an amazing time doesn’t mean that you will. Surround yourself with people you trust can look after you if things go wrong and, if they do, never lie to medical professionals about what you have taken. They’re there to help, not to judge.
Would I take it again: Yes. Now my mental health has improved and I no longer am reliant on any substances, I would absolutely smoke or use other drugs again, because I know how much I can take safely without impacting my mental health.