Dear myself (from six months ago),
You wrote some questions down on your notes page on your phone on the 27th of May 2020, for me now, six months later, to answer.
Are you feeling happy?
6th months ago: Yes, but I’m lonely and sometimes it’s difficult because I miss Matt.
Now: I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m at the top of the world and sometimes it’s difficult to get out of bed. I’m content with myself however, and proud of the things that I’m doing. Just worried about the next few months.
Are you happy with the way you dress?
6th months ago: Not really, I’ve been looking but I’m not sure what my style is.
Now: Yes, and I’m more excited about clothing. I’ve been looking into new ways to flip the clothes that I already own and be more creative.
Are we in lockdown?
6th months ago: Yes, I’m still on furlough and have been in Kent since before my birthday.
Now: Yes, but we’re coming out of it and it’s going into a tier system. Currently in Southampton where we are in Tier 2 so I’m going back to work, but my hometown is currently in Tier 3. Feeling separated from my family but ready to get back to work (although it makes me nervous).
What did you do today?
6th months ago: Today my best friend sent me flowers and that brought a smile to my face. I also had a one (or four) drinks over a zoom call with my university friends.
Now: Today I wrote my personal statement to apply for graduate schemes and masters next year. I also did journo writing and I’m so grateful for the foundations that I built over lockdown which has given me the small platform I have today.
Enjoying University? Got a plan for next year?
6th Months ago: Nope. I hate doing university from home. I’m so unmotivated. And no plans for next year.
Now: I don’t hate online university as much; I’m getting used to it and I’m enjoying the content of my course more. In terms of next year, I’m still not sure. But I’m starting to apply and I’m finding things that interest me.
Are you still with Matt?
6th Months ago, + Now: Of course.
How’s your mental health?
6th months ago: Under control, and something I’m now confident talking about.
Now: I’ve had a recent relapse; however, I’ve been able to ask for help and that’s something that I couldn’t do before. And relapsing is normal and I’m proud that I’m starting to move past it.
6th Months ago: Good luck, Broken Bells
Now: Anything Velvet Underground or Nico.
In six months’ time, I’ll answer these questions again. But for now, thank you to my past self for getting through the first lockdown and getting involved in The Hysteria Collective, that I’m now a campus ambassador for. It’s a reminder to me to keep going and stay proud of what I’m doing.
Ruby (from today).