Letters from Lockdown 84: Heni Tinker

Dear Anxiety,

I’ve known you for a long time. Remember how bad the teenage years were? Because I do.

But since March, it’s like you’ve moved in. When I get up, you’re there waiting for me. You complain that the washing up hasn’t been done and that the house isn’t clean enough. You get scared if there’s not enough food in the fridge and sometimes you won’t let me go outside because you think the world is just too dangerous.

Having you as part of my social support bubble hasn’t been easy, to say the least.

But it’s also meant that I can’t ignore you anymore. This time has forced us to work a lot harder on our relationship than we normally would. Less distractions from the outside has meant more time to go inward, and that’s where I’ve had to go to really understand you.

So now we sit down and have tea. You have a lot to say, and I let you talk so that I can listen. Really listen, I mean, because that is what helps us to manage our relationship.

We’ve also started running together in the park, which is fun and chills us out (despite your initial scepticism) and stopped having caffeine because it gives you panic attacks.

It’s not a perfect relationship, but honestly, what relationship is? The important thing is that it’s better than it was, and we are working on it.

Going forward, I hope that I can keep making time for us, keep listening, keep understanding and sometimes, just allow you to be who you are without judgement.

Lots of Love,

Your friend Heni.

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