If I were to sit down in front of a mystical fortune teller a year ago, and to ask them what my graduate life would look like, I wouldn’t expect them to describe my life now.
I wouldn’t expect to be told that my future contained a long distance relationship, a nannying job, working freelance in marketing and a panicked night masters in journalism.
I wouldn’t expect them to tell me I am several pounds heavier, that I am growing my hair long and that I haven’t got another tattoo yet. I wouldn’t expect anything that happened in the last 7 months. Unprecedented, right?
I certainly wouldn’t expect, that after over two years of therapy, to be suffering from anxiety-induced IBS.
The pandemic has been pretty stressful, but my body of course, has taken it a step further by getting so stressed that I have given myself Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
But perhaps I should’ve expected some physical and pretty intense manifestations of stress. I struggle to switch off, and have tried to get a handle on my toxic relationship with productivity, but used projects and plans to get through the first Lockdown, wearing myself out, keeping myself busy and ultimately crashing and burning.
I have struggled with my mental health for a number of years, but was always pretty good at keeping a lid on anxiety, which has spiralled immensely through this pandemic. With paranoia, fear and worry all around, it’s no surprise that I have found my sleep, routine, social skills and productivity peaking and dipping.
So, I am taking a bit of time over this next Lockdown to flounder. To not try and fight the fear by filling the hours left in the day. But, to take some time to let it was over me and to wait for it to pass. Maybe if I had done that the first time round, I wouldn’t be struggling with stomach cramps and other thrilling symptoms.
I, however, like all of us as individuals, couldn’t have prepared for the huge changes that came in March, the way my life became totally different, how my body and brain responded and how I felt. This is the case in, or out of a pandemic.
We never know what a years time will look like, we never know when the difficulties will come, so maybe we all need to chill a little?
We can’t plan for everything, no matter how well-thought out we have our graduate plan. So, let’s start taking things a day at a time a bit more. That’s what the government are doing after all.
If you have any anxiety tips please message me on Twitter: @imybrightypotts (I would really appreciate it)