The Billionaire Cookbook by Natalie Jayne Clark

EAT THE RICH!

EAT THEM NOW!

EAT THEM WITH BUTTER!

Start with Jeff Bezos’ squinty protruding froggy little eyes

Enucleate those little fuckers

Roll em around in your mouth and test the texture with your molars

Chew and squish and gulp

That’s not gonna kill him, so just leave him for a while

That can be your wee aperitif

Read him some stats

He’s definitely not heard them before, otherwise

He would have

Definitely

Done something by now

Him spending 1.3 million would be the same as you or I spending a pound

One pound

Go for Trump’s tongue next.

There’s nothing he could say now, anyway

No sound could ever be the salve

To soothe

What he did not do and what he did

Fry it gently with a bit of butter and garlic

Next

Slow roast Zuckerberg’s long arms

That somehow encircled the world

Squeezed and held and suffocated

Let’s have JK Rowling for dessert

Chop off and chop up

Her fingers

Soak them in honey to counteract the bitterness

To stop them from typing

Anything else ever ever again

I’ve got your recipe for them all

Kim Kardashian and her rump

The least plastic bits of Melania Trump

Smush and cook George Bush as an Amuse Bouche

Grab Robert Murdoch and chop off his limp cock

Add some paprika and rice

Fry it up real nice

Slice up wee bits of the Queen and Sir Phillip Green

Make a OBE tureen

Alan Sugar, BBQ, YOU’RE FIRED!

Gates and Musk

Branson et al

And all of their wee pals

And that prick who owns Whetherspoons

Are gonna taste sooo good

Just think of the best grass fed beef

This is not just cannibalism

This is your caviar fed, poverty-free range,  silver spooned, tenderised by weekly massages, only had the best cannibalism on a bed of delicious fresh green money

And

Like in The Princess Bride

Always leave their ears till last

So that they can hear

They know

They know

How could they not know?

Their wealth, their hoard, their loot

Equals years scraped off of the lives

Of us, their modern slaves

Tell them

They know

They know

They deserve this

And the only thing left to do is…

EAT THE RICH!

EAT THEM NOW!

EAT THEM WITH BUTTER!

Photo courtesy of Tim Mossholder

Categories: PoetryTags: , , , , ,

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