Out of Words

Dear Diary,

I don’t know if I’m out of words or just out of inspiration. Or even just overloaded. I’ve written so much over the last few weeks that maybe I’ve finally run out of steam. I can’t remember the last time I wrote this much.

I used to love filling up that pink notebook with little poems or songs that I’d written, or just doodles and words that meant nothing and everything at the same time.

I only wrote for maybe six months after Dad died, maybe a little longer. But it wasn’t much. I guess I got distracted with work, college and boys. When you have none of those, it’s easy to listen to the voices in your head.

I suppose it’s better for me to keep writing, no matter how much, just to get whatever’s in my head out and down on paper. Or hard drive at least. Saves me sitting and ruminating on everything for however long this is going to last.

I feel like I’m keeping busy enough; I’ve found a whole new genre of music that I like and some good songs to accompany it. Some songs I already know but others are new. I’m writing daily. I’m thinking about my future. I’m attempting to home-school Riley, most days. I’m reading a lot. I feel like I’ve worked through some issues I may have had. The last battle I have with myself is my weight.

I know right now would be the ideal time for a real Pinterest “glow-up”. But it’s hard with not being able to get out and exercise properly and being bored just means I’m sitting around eating. We’re not allowed to leave the house unnecessarily; I could attempt running but I haven’t run since last year. I’m not even sure I’d get very far now.

Maybe tomorrow I could attempt a walk/run once I got over to the fields. I need my earphones if I’m going out though. Music helps me think, or at least, helps me forget to think.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Photo courtesy of Bruno Nascimento

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