This is to you

A dedicated poem

For all that happened

One final message

One last goodbye

That day my world went dark

I fumbled for a light that didn’t exist

Wishing for help that never came

Struggling, choking, drowning

Unable to breathe

I was lost

In the middle of a cruel sea

Of happy memories not yet soured

And innocent words

Choking me as I fought for my life

I didn’t drown quickly

I struggled for breath

Reaching for a hand to save me

But the waves took me

And under I went

I stayed there a while

Enjoying the silence, the peace

Happy that everything had stopped

No more pain

No more hurt

Then I came up for air

And swam and swam

With all my remaining strength

Back to shore

Back to safety

And I breathe easier now

Though my lungs are damaged

They keep me living, breathing

I am here

You couldn’t drown me

I still fear the water

But it lessens every day

I am healing

I will go back in the water

You won’t win this

 

I know now

The sea isn’t dangerous

With the right company

With the right flotation aids

Be alert, always

I see the beauty again

Of the waves crashing

On the golden sand

Still undamaged

Unaffected by the water

 

My golden shores

No longer shine in the midday sun

They aren’t glamorous or beautiful

But still they exist

Tiny grains of happiness

I will one day be admired again

For my beauty

By those unaware of the pain

Or the continued hurt

As I try to understand, why

 

But I always draw a blank

Confused by the calm waves

And the clear skies

No sign of trouble

Bliss

The memories haunt me

On my worst days

When I ache from the hurt

And the trust you destroyed

Hanging in, just

In my head you remain

An unwanted resident

Who refuses to leave

One I avoid, and still despise

Goodbye

Photo courtesy of Ashley Light