Aunty Raff’s Single Sundays: Week Twelve – How to Par Someone Off

Hello my lovelies! Welcome to another week of this single person telling you how to get the best out of single life. “What will we be covering this week?” I hear you ask. I mean, I don’t and you’re probably not but Imma tell you anyway. This week’s topic is about how to let someone down when you no longer want to date them or sleep with them or whatever the situation is. I’ve mentioned a lot in past articles about the importance of just telling people out right how you’re feeling (instead of, say, ghosting) but I’ve never really gone into what I think the best way to do it is. So here is my opinion.

This topic mainly came to mind because one of my friends asked me “Hey Raff, you know a lot about single life, how do you let someone down gently?” I told them I wouldn’t actually tell them but would write an article about it. Obviously, not true, but I did make me think that it would be something other people would want to know. My simple answer is, just tell them the truth but don’t be a dick about it. I don’t know about you, but from my experience girl’s seem to find the need to make sure we don’t hurt the other person’s feelings and apologies a lot for just not being into them. Whereas, blokes (from my experience) don’t care as much and will either ghost you or make up a girlfriend for a year just so they don’t have to sleep with you again (true story and one that I wrote about before). My question is, what makes us girls feel the need to apologies for not finding someone attractive anymore. Who are we doing it for? To protect the ego (especially when it’s a man involved) of the other person? Or to make sure we don’t seem like dicks so people we no longer care about don’t chat shit behind our backs? And, on the bloke front, why don’t they seem to have enough bollocks to just be straight with us instead of just ghosting or making up shit excuses? Everyone needs to remember the cardinal rule of being single, you are allowed to be selfish. You are allowed to not be stuck with someone you don’t like and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Just don’t be a dick about it.

So, let’s discuss how to let someone down. Be honest, but not too honest, and say it with your chest. (Saying it with your chest basically means, say it proud and without being meek). So, for example a generic one is “Hey X, I had a really great time (this you can lie about because, don’t be a dick), but for me, I wasn’t feeling it. You’re a really lovely person (only add that in if they were, don’t say that if you thought they were a dick) but for me I didn’t feel a romantic connection. Good luck with future dates though!” Or something to that effect. Another thing I would say is, if you met the person on a dating app or didn’t know them before dating, don’t suggests to be friends. You weren’t friends before, and you probably don’t need to be friends after, I’m sure you have enough. There are, of course, exceptions to that rule. I, for example, went on a date with someone at the start of the year (before I started really dating fail-experiment-into-not-being-single#2) who I didn’t feel that spark but did have some lovely chats with so when he asked for a second date I let him down by saying that I wasn’t interested and then said “but I feel a more friend connection with and would totally be down to be mates but I also understand if you’re not into that”. But my feelings out but also let him know that he had an out if he wasn’t feeling it. And we still have occasional chats from time to time. But usually, friendship does not need to happen. And, on that vain, if a friend of yours comes out and confesses their undying love to you (do people still do that? Yes, because I am one of those people) don’t par them off by taking a screenshot of said confession and replying “LOL”, once again tell them how you feel. Be like “Hey X, thank you for telling me how you feel. Unfortunately, I don’t feel the same way and I do just see you as a really good mate. But I appreciate that it must have taken guts for you to tell me that. I would understand if you need to distance yourself from me for a bit, so I won’t take it personally. But I do hope that this doesn’t ruin our friendship because you do mean a lot to me.” And if they can’t just be your mate because they have boyfriend/girlfriend-zoned you, then fuck ‘em because you don’t need that toxic shit in your life.

                Finally, I wanted to end by saying, the only time it’s acceptable to be a dick when letting someone down, is when that person has also been a dick on the date or whatever. Just say it clearly and be like “Hey, I think you’re a bit of a dick and we have nothing in common so don’t really wanna see you for another date. Bye.” Other option, is this is a good case for ghosting, because fuck ‘em.

So, that concludes this week’s lesson. You’re more than welcome to copy and paste and then edit some of the response I have written, I won’t be mad, but also I understand if you think they’re shit. This is just one person’s opinions. But the bottom line is, when letting someone down: be honest and don’t be a dick (unless the situation calls for you to be a dick).

Until next time, remember Single Life is a choice, just not always yours, but it’s what you do with it that makes it worthwhile.

Take Care,

Aunty Raff xx

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