Aunty Raff’s Single Sundays: Week Eleven – To Ghost or Not to Ghost?

Hello all!

Welcome back! I hope you’re all well. Been looking after yourself these last two weeks? Good! So let’s get into this week’s topic.

So last time I spoke about the lingo of dating and I mentioned the word ghosting. This week I will be diving into whether there is ever a good reason to ghost someone and what to do if you get ghosted. So let’s dive into it.

So, my rule of thumb is don’t ghost because that is a dick move. If you’re not feeling someone just grow a backbone and let them know. It’s not that hard to be like “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m not really feeling it between us.” And that’s it. You don’t look like that much of a dick (the person might still think you’re a dick, but at least you’ve tried). Also, it will prevent them still texting you, because if you don’t tell them they won’t think anything wrong until they’ve gotten the message…or rather not gotten any messages. Just don’t do it!

                That being said, ghosting is only acceptable if you have matched with someone on a dating app and you’ve yet to meet them and you’re just not feeling the chat, or they’ve said something really just not cool, you have no loyalty or connection to them whatsoever. So ghost them and ghost them hard. Fuck it, unmatch them so you never have to deal with them ever again. There you’re not being a dick and even if you are, what does it matter, they don’t know you and you don’t know them. But, if you have gone on dates, even just the one, you let them know that they weren’t for you because it’s the decent thing to do. Also, if you ghost someone you can bet that the next person you’re feeling will ghost you because that’s karma and that. Then you will remember how shit it feels for someone to just stop talking to you out of nowhere and you will try not do it ever again.

So, now, what to do when you have been ghosted. First of all, you’ve gotta figure out if you have been ghosted or not. If you’ve asked a question, while getting to know them or even asking for another date, and they leave you on read and then don’t get back to you after five days, then I’m sorry to say but that match is dead and has become a ghost. Side note though, if you’ve asked a question and they take five days to respond that, my friend, is a red flag (or a read flag god I’m funny), and I would not engage. Do not take the excuse that they were busy so couldn’t reply. Nobody is that busy that they can’t answer a text that would take one minute. If they wanted to talk to you, they would! However, if the conversation has come to a natural end for the day, even if it’s quite early in the day and they have left you on read, then it is not a ghost, they most likely have nothing else to add to the conversation because texting like that is long. If they don’t start another conversation within the five-day period or try to organise a date, then we’re at the ghosting stage. So now that we’ve established that you have been ghosted, what should you do. The answer is simple, move the fuck on. No matter how deep you think the connection was, you do not need to be wasting your energy on someone that would ghost you because, as stated before, that is a dick move. Do not text them, just do not engage. In fact, just delete their number and anything they can use to get in contact with you. Because, one: it will make sure that you don’t do anything rash in a moment of weakness so it’s a healthy move for you. And two: if they decided to come back from the dead and be a zombie you won’t know who they are so they will know that they have no space in your life. Does this sound petty? Sure. But is it the right thing to do? 100%! I do not want to hear any excuses! Get them out of your life.

So, to recap: Don’t ghost, because it’s a dick move (unless you’ve both kinda ghosted each other or it’s someone you’ve never met before). And if you get ghosted, perform an exorcism and get that ghost out of your life.

I hope that was helpful in manoeuvring around the ghost world. Tune in next time where I will be discussing something to do with single life. I do have a plan I just can’t remember off the top of my head because it’s been a very busy week for me.

Until next time! And remember, single life is a choice, just not always yours, but it’s what you do with it that makes it worth while

Take Care,

Aunty Raff xx  

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