Due to the nature of this peice the author has chosen to remain anonymous.

Content warning: sexual assault, violence

A place to stay
You said
You were so lonely after your girlfriend
so lost in the night
without those warm embraces
that you just wanted to give me a place to stay

Ok,
I said

Because the room was hazy
And I didn’t quite know where I was
The next thing I remember
Was feeling you press your lips
on my mouth
with an aggression
That I had never
experienced before
It was unkind

Like a harsh reality
forced in front of me
That I didn’t want to see
I said I was going to leave

No
You said
I’m sorry
we can just lie here

but then you pressed on me again
like someone pressing hard
into the fat on your arm
It felt like a bruise
My legs were paralysed
And I felt so exhausted
That I didn’t push away
Any more

I’m going to go
I think I said

But I can’t remember if I actually said it
You saw this as enticing
didn’t you
you saw my lips open
and you forced your thumb between them
because I remembered a time
when I had wanted it
And confused this
with you
In a drunken slur
of emotion
And you thought this was consent
Didn’t you

Either that
or you didn’t care
Because, I was a girl
who was lying on your bed,
with a tight pink skirt
risen to her thighs
and a see-through top
telling you, I wanted to be fucked
telling you, I wanted it
and you, took it
Didn’t you.

Without question
consideration
or remorse
You took me
because you could
and because it was easy
I remember thinking I didn’t want it
But was too tired to move
I pulled back
Mustering the same
monotonous line again and again

You thought this was me flirting
Didn’t you

But I was a broken record
getting bored of my own voice
I didn’t even know who was talking anymore

When I felt your fingers
violently urge themselves
against my underwear
Pushing the material into me
like I was a doll
And you were my master
I guess you must have forgotten
to look into my eyes
to see if they were open
It’s easily done
testosterone is hard to handle
I was a whore
After all

A player for leading you on
Why did I go back there,
If I didn’t want to

But in the morning
When I woke up
I remembered the stories in the news
And thought
Was that me
I told someone
And they asked me if I was actually said no
But I didn’t say no,
did I

So it was consensual.
the question stared at me in the face
like a room full of mirrors, I could no longer hide from
I realised that I was playing at a game
that didn’t fit me
I was a liar
I was a joke
I was too ugly to bare

No
I said
And it was like you had placed a mirror
right in-front of me
Showing a reflection that
I no longer recognised

Image courtesy of JP Valery