Aunty Raff’s Single Sundays: Week Ten – The Language of Dating

Hello all!

How have you all been? As you may have noticed, or maybe not, I didn’t post anything last week. This is due to the fact that I am no longer furloughed and am back at work so I don’t have all the time I used to have. So I will now be posting Single Sundays every two weeks. I still love writing these post and want to dedicate the right amount of time to them and not just rush them out because I have to. It’s the best thing for everyone involved (lines you hear when you break-up with someone).

So, now on to this week’s topic. Today I will be discussing the different terms I have come across during my single and dating life. A lot of things that I have chucked into casual conversation or have seen in memes that I then had to explain to friends. So here’s an explanation of terms I have come across so you can use them in your day to day life and seem really cool and on trend.

Hoeing Season: I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Hoeing Season is the season you’re a hoe. Now, this can be whenever you feel like, but generally, Hoeing Season is the summer. Why is that? Easy, the summer is when everyone feels good. The sun is (meant to be) shinning. You’re feeling good about yourself. There’s also a festival or a party going on. You can wear really cute clothes that make you feel good and show off some skin (if that’s what makes you feel good) and it’s just a great vibe all round. All this means that it is easier to be a hoe. Go to a festival and sleep with a different person every night. Go on holidays to hot countries and pull all the people you want. Hoeing Season is just a great time all round (by far one of my favourite seasons), and gets everything out of your system in time for Cuffing Season.  

Cuffing Season: This is a term I find myself having to explain a lot to my non-single friends. So what is Cuffing Season? This follows Hoeing Season. While Hoeing Season tends to be for the summer months where you wanna be out Hoeing, Cuffing Season is meant for the winter months. The winter months are cold and depressing and you can’t wear nice clothes because you value warm and practical over something nice. The last bit of Hoeing is probably Halloween, but after that you don’t really want to be out trying to find someone to shag. Instead you want someone to attach yourself to (or Cuff) to cuddle on the sofa and watch TV together when it’s raining and do cute Christmas shit with. Having someone there to chase away the winter blues and so you don’t feel lonely during Valentine’s Day (the worst day for Single People). The person you cuff with should not be someone that you want to be really serious with, but you are exclusive. But you can leave as soon as Hoeing Season comes round again and then you just repeat the cycle. Obviously a lot of people tend to stick with their cuff because feelings get caught.

DTR: DTR stands for Define The Relationship. Most people tend to do this when they become official. But DTRing is important for any stage of a relationship. You DTR before having a one night stand because you’ve defined that relationship with that person just to be about sex that one night and nothing more. You have to DTR when you’re entering a fuck buddy relationship. You have to DTR when you become exclusive but you’re not official. DTRing is crucial as it means you know where you stand with one person at all times. But it doesn’t have to mean have a long deep chat about “what you are” it should just come up naturally.

The Talking Stage: The Talking Stage is the first step in any relationship. It does what it says on the tin. You’re just chatting to someone before going on any dates. Maybe it’s someone you’ve matched with on Bumble. Or it’s someone you fancy from the “real” world. It’s that bit where you’re texting, tagging in memes etc. to just figure out if you like that person enough to go on a date with them. Don’t spend too much time in this stage, it is meant to be a quick jump to getting the ball rolling, but it is important.

Exclusive: This is another one I have to explain a lot. Exclusive is different from Official. It is the step before becoming official. It’s when both parties agree on not talking, dating, sleeping, or getting to know anyone else. You’re still dating but you’re not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend or meeting each other’s family. You’re getting to know each other a bit more before really deciding if this is someone you want to spend a lot of time with. This is normally the stage to introduce them to your friends. Because it’s a lot easier to back out of being exclusive than being official and it’s less messy. So if you’re friends aren’t big fans of the person, they feel like they can voice their opinion a bit more easily here. Just don’t get stuck in this stage either.

The Ick: One of my favourite sayings, but one I need to explain a lot. This came into the English language thanks to Liv from Love Island. Basically, The Ick is just when you’re talking to someone or you’re dating someone and then suddenly, for no real reason, you’ve just gone off them. Sometimes there is a reason, like, you suddenly realise how small their hands are and you hate it. Or something they do just really bugs you and you don’t know why. But sometimes, nothing has changed and they’re still lovely, you just can’t stand the thought of being with them. Once you got The Ick then it’s game over. You might, at first, try to convince yourself out of it because they are a nice person, but you never can and you just gotta let it go.

Ghosting: By now I think most people know what this means. It’s when you’re chatting to someone, you might have even gone on a few dates and even shagged, and then out of nowhere, with no explanation they stop texting you. Every message you send they will just leave you on read. It is a dick move, and it’s something I will be covering in more detail in another article.

Zombie-ing: This is a new one (and also the last one I will cover today). Zombie-ing is related to Ghosting. It’s when someone that ghosted you starts messaging you again out of the blue. It’s like a Ghost coming back from the dead, like a zombie. And I am here to tell you, never, under any circumstance interact with a Zombie. They will ruin you all over again.

There are a lot more terms in the dating world, so I might do a part two and a later date. But these were just some of the more common ones that I tend to use in my life. I hope this has helped you be able to navigate through the weird world of dating and being single. And if not, I hope it brought you some entertainment.

So, until next time, remember: Single Life is a choice, just not always yours, but it’s what you do with it that makes it worthwhile.

Take Care

Aunty Raff xx

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