Aunty Raff’s Single Sundays: Week Nine – How to Deal with a Heartbreak

Hello all!

And welcome back! Hope you had a nice week and have taken some time to look at the books I suggested in last week’s article. I will be now returning to my regular schedule of talking about Single Life.

This week I will be talking about how to deal with a heartbreak. Now, this isn’t “One size fits all” situation. Everyone deals with a heartbreak differently. What works for me, might not work for you, but I thought I would share some tips as I have dealt with many heartbreaks in my Single Life.

Let’s first discuss the many different heartbreaks you will get while being single. Obviously there is the big heartbreak of a break-up that might make you newly single. That one hurts like a bitch, especially if it’s one that you weren’t expecting because, to you, everything seemed fine. But also those break-ups that you did see coming because the relationship was breaking down for some time still hurt. They hurt because you go from having someone in your life (that isn’t just a friend because that is a different heartbreak all by itself), that you rely on and spend a lot of time with and love, to nothing at all and you have to readjust. Even if you did the dumping, you’re allowed to be sad about something that you spent a lot of time and effort ending, because there’s a reason why it ended. Unless the reason is you cheated on them, then very little sympathy from me. But there are books upon books about how to deal with a break-up because that is the heartbreak that everyone knows about and that is the most spoken about. The heartbreaks that aren’t as widely spoken about are those that single people have, even when they’ve never been a relationship. I don’t wanna call them micro-heartbreaks, because these ones can hurt just as bad as the Big Ones. Take it from someone who has experienced both. “But what are these heartbreaks?” I hear you ask. Or maybe you’re not asking because you know fully well what I’m talking about, but I’m gonna tell you anyway.

A short list of heartbreaks that single people have experienced in their life time

  • A failed talking stage
  • Telling someone you like them and for them to say they don’t feel the same way about you
  • Telling someone you like them and for them to say they’re not ready for a relationship and about a month later they get into one so then you think that the “with you” was silent.
  • Being stood up on a date
  • Dating someone for a few months, but it not really being a relationship and then ending because the other person is no longer feeling it.
  • Flirting with someone a lot and you thinking that they also felt the same way, but neither of you really spoke about your feelings to each other and then they end up in a relationship with someone else so you spend a lot of your time thinking about how they are the one that got away
  • The person you like, who said that they also liked you back, actually getting back with their ex
  • Fancying someone, maybe even sleeping with them, to then find out they were actually in a relationship the whole time
  • Proposing to be friends with benefits with someone and they’re not feeling it
  • Your friends with benefits getting into a relationship (if you’ve done FWB right, see last post, this shouldn’t be an emotional heartbreak as no feelings are involved, but you can still be sad about this because now you have to make an effort to get sex).
  • Being more invested in dating someone and for them to turn round and tell you it was a casual thing, despite them not acting casual.
  • And many more

So, how do you get over a heartbreak? Well, it depends on how deep the cut went, but sometimes you never really do, you just learn to live with it and grow from it. It may not hurt you anymore, after sometime, but you still think about it and, in your darkest moments, question what you could have done differently. And blame yourself for it. I’ve been told that a heartbreak is like going through the Five Stages of Grief. These stages, for those who don’t know are: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But these stages aren’t linear. Even if you think you have accepted what is going on, which you most likely have, it is ok to get randomly upset or angry about it. But you just gotta think about what you have learnt from the experience and how it has bettered you for the next time. So the next time you experience a heartbreak, you remember how you survived the last one so you can do this one because you are a Bad-Ass Bitch (this term is gender neutral as everyone should feel like a Bad-Ass Bitch. But if you don’t you may also use Bad-Ass Hunky Dude). However, if you really wanna know what has helped me in the past, at least with the initial part of the heartbreak (like I said everyone is different so I don’t need to go into the long processes because it might not help you). But what helps me at the start, when your heartbreaks are these few things:

First: have a big cry. I promise you, you will feel a lot better after a cry.

Second: Talk to a friend and just let it all out.

Third: Order from your favourite take-away and have ONE glass of your favourite alcoholic drink (and only one because being drunk right now isn’t gonna help. And if you don’t drink, have as many glasses of your favourite drink)

Fourth: Put on your favourite TV show or movie (but avoid ones with romance in them. I suggest a silly comedy or a really good action/thriller/horror)

And Fifth: Try your hardest to make a list of all the things you love about yourself, no matter how superficial they are, to remember that you are a Bad-Ass Bitch/ Bad-Ass Hunky Dude.

So that’s it for this week. I hope it’s helped you in some way or, at least, brought you some joy. See you all next time. And remember, Single Life is a choice, just not always yours, but it’s what you do with it that makes it worthwhile.   

Take Care,

Aunty Raff xxx

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