Letters from Lockdown 61: Issy Steventon

Dear Mum, 

I hope you’re okay, and I want to tell you I miss you. I think this letter is probably going to be the hardest to write because you mean a lot to me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. 

We’ve had our struggles, there have been times where I have said things I wish I hadn’t, where you have said things you wish you hadn’t, where we’ve laughed, where we’ve sang our hearts out in the car (especially to Greased Lightnin’), where we’ve gone shopping together and who knows what else.

I know Lockdown is really stressing you out, and these circumstances are unprecedented, but it’ll get better. Soon, you can go out to Trago like normal, or go and get a pasty, or go and visit an array of lovely restaurants and pubs.

I would love to go for afternoon tea with you, and for us to just sit and relax like normal. I would love for you to come and visit me here, and to show you more of Southampton, the lovely parks and maybe a walk near the riverside. Maybe we could go food shopping and you glide on the trolleys, which at the moment, is a bit impossible to do.

I want to apologise for our moments that we’ve had that weren’t ideal. They say when you’re drunk you speak a sober mind, which sometimes for me, is not really beneficial to anybody, but the one thing I can always guarantee I’ll do is say how much of an incredible woman you are. You have been through a lot, mum, you’ve really struggled.

I would love to come and see you soon, to see George, Annie and Barney, to see Harry and Honey, to see the chickens, and goslings and ducklings, and I’m sorry I left. I had to. 

I am proud of you no matter what. I love you no matter what. 

I’m sorry I act like a dick when I’m seeing a guy, and most of all, I’m sorry for ever lying to you. That is something I’m conscious of every day and I regret, because you always believed in me. You have consistently stood by me, since the 28 May 2001, for almost nineteen years. You have been my rock, and seeing you hurt breaks my heart.

You deserve a pat on the back, mum. You deserve it. You are a good person, and the fighter I know is still in there. I will always believe in you, and you can do anything. 

I love you.

Lots of love from Issy xxxx

Categories: Letters from Lockdown, Series

Issy Steventon

I'm a part time author, poet and artist (when university allows me to) and I love to express myself through creative means. I write to represent the women that feel alone, and to provide a positive environment to those who need it.

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