Letters from Lockdown 27: Karriad Shawcross

To my two teeny best friends,

I wrote this when you were both so small and we were dealing with a very scary situation. I’m so proud of you and I always have been. Always will be.

I can’t imagine what you’re thinking right now. What it must be like to come home from school one day and find out you won’t be going back for a while and no one can tell you when, or even why. To see me come home from uni for ages but still have to do all the work that goes with it and be so upset, but you don’t know why. To not be allowed to go see our cousins or play at the park, but you don’t know why.

It’s you guys who I feel the worst for. Too young to understand but too old to just ignore it. There aren’t words I can give you to make this all easier and I’m sorry. I promise to always look after you and make things as amazing as they can be but I am scared that this is an impossible job right now.

But it’s more than that. It’s you guys who I admire most. The hope that lives in your eyes, the beautiful honesty of your laughter, you two are what keeps me going. The hushed conversations that I have with Mummy are always ended by the light that you both bring into a room. You don’t know you’re doing it but I couldn’t ask anyone to do a better job.

One day we will be able to explain everything that happened. One day. When that is I don’t know but I do know that your lives will have been changed by this and I wish I could make that better. Thank you for making my time like this better.

There is some upside to this scariness though. The time I’ve spent procrastinating by playing board games or tennis, teaching you times tables and listening to you read has let me spend so much more time with you than I ever thought I would be able to. I get to see you both grow into beautiful, wonderful humans and god am I lucky.

I’m so lucky to have you. My Noodles and my Dindi. My two teeny best pals. You’ll cringe when you read this when you’re older but sod it, a big sister is meant to be embarrassing.

Love you all the world,

Your Yaya x

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