Aunty Raff’s Single Sundays: Week Two – The Highs and Lows of Single Life

Hello all! And welcome back to another week of Aunty Raff discussing single life. This week we will be discussing the highs and lows of single life. Everything in life has them, so being single is no different. I know at times the lows can feel more than the highs, we’ve all been there. I, for one, have focused more on the lows of being single rather than the highs because I don’t take time to appreciate the highs. However, I’m here to tell you that the highs of being single are great and should be celebrated as much as the lows make you feel sad. So these are my personal opinions on what the highs and lows of single life are.

Highs

1. Being Selfish – Now, in my personal opinion this is the most important thing about being single. You are allowed to be selfish with your time. The only person you have to really worry about is yourself and that is OK. You don’t ever have to think about having to spend time with another person or stress that you’re not spending enough time with someone. Now, I know some people will be like “Hey Raff, what about your friends, you have to still make time for them.” And you’re right, you do, but you have the time. Also, friends are in a different category. If you don’t see your friend for ages or don’t drop them a message for ages, you’re not (most of the time) seen as a shitty friend. But if you don’t see or talk to your other half for months on end you are seen as a shitty partner, because you are. So be selfish when you can. If you fancy going to a certain country, fuck it, book that ticket and go by yourself.  If there’s a movie you wanna see in the cinema, go take yourself without having to wait for someone else to be free. If you want a night in by yourself to binge a show and order whatever you want, do it without having to worry that you’ll upset your other half. Because, as much as we want to say you can do this while in a relationship, the reality is you did need to take another person’s feeling into consideration because you’re in a partnership.

2. Sex – Now you will see this appear again in the lows, but let’s talk about how great it is being single and having sex. You can literally have sex with anyone you want (as long as both parties are consenting adults). You’re a night out and you see this cute person, go make your move and sleep with them! You swiping through Tinder and you match and you’re both DTF go to that booty call. You want a fuck buddy? Fuck it! Enjoy this sexual freedom! Sleep with whomever you want, just always use protection because fuck STIs and unplanned pregnancies. And if you don’t want to have sex because you’re not about one night stands and what not. That’s cool too. You do you boo!

3. Getting to know yourself better – Now, I know this sounds like a cliché, but life is a cliché. But being single gives you time to understand yourself better, and to really work on yourself more. Most importantly, to understand how to love yourself. A comedian called Daniel Sloss said in his stand up show Jigsaw (please watch it, it really puts in perspective things about love and being single) “If you love yourself and 20% and someone comes along and loves you at 40% you’re gonna say ‘Wow, that’s so much’ but it’s literally less than half. But if you love yourself at 100% someone has to go above and beyond that to make you feel special” and he has a valid point. Also, what I also mean by getting to know yourself is just wank a lot so you know what you like so you can help the other person out when you have sex.

4. Dating – Another one you will see in the lows. But let’s talk about how fun dating is. This is coming from an extrovert, might be slightly different from introverts. But dating is fun! Getting ready for it, the nerves beforehand, and just going out and getting to know someone new and different. Even if it’s someone you’ve known for ages and start seeing them differently and wanna date them, instead of just being friends, you’re learning new things about them. And that first kiss. It’s all very exciting, so enjoy it while it lasts and before you end up being in relationship with them and then you’re not single anymore.

5. Not having relationship problems – Ok, I will admit, this one is petty, but what you’re gonna do. When you’re listening to your friends’ relationship dramas, or hear your housemate have a four-hour argument with their girlfriend because they hadn’t planned anything for them to do, just remember that is stress you don’t have to deal with. It’s better to be single then in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.

Lows

1. Sex – Told you you would see this again. Single sex is great, but it does suck having to work for it. Like, the effort is sometimes more than the pay-out. And, the truth is, having sex with someone you have that emotional connection with who knows exactly how to get you off will always better than fumbling during a one-night stand. And you will just start fantasying about relationship sex on nights when you’re really feeling really low in your single times. 

2.  Loneliness and Envy – Yes I’ve put two together, but they go hand in hand. Being lonely while being single will happen, of course it will. You will see your friends posting cute photos with their other halves, or you’ll see couples on the street and you’ll be envious of what they have and wish you could have someone in your life too, and then you’ll feel lonely. And, although you won’t be lonely, because friends, friendship and romance just isn’t the same and that is the tea. And it’s ok to feel these feelings, but you’ve just gotta remember not to let them consume you because then you become bitter and that’s even worse.

3. Dating – Look, I know I just said that dating is fun, but dating also sucks. It takes a lot of time and money. And if you go on all these dates and you still come to dead ends and you didn’t even get a fuck at the end of it, it takes a lot out of you. You start questioning what is wrong with you, even when you’re the one that parred them off. And you just think you’re gonna end up being single for the rest of your life because there doesn’t seem to be anyone good out there. But it’s ok to take a break from dating, in fact, could be the healthy choice. And it’s also ok to delete Bumble and then redownload it two days later because you like the ego boost. You just gotta do what makes you happy.

So there you go, those are my highs and lows of dating. I hope reading the highs reminded you that being single can be fun and enjoyable and help you when you do have those lows. The most important thing to remember, that you must always make sure that, whatever you do, you try and make sure you’re happy.

Now, there are no audience questions this week as we didn’t get any. But if you do have any pressing questions, remember to email thehysteriacollective@gmail.com

Remember, single life is a choice, just not always your choice, but it’s how you deal with it that will make it worthwhile.

Take care,

Aunty Raff

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