Astrology Is Bullsh*t

According to the cosmos I am brave, ambitious and faithful, yet resentful and jealous

When an unambiguous solar object is in retrograde, I should avoid three drains

Or was it ladders?

Or black cats?

Or all cats?

Something like that.

I should clap three times when the sun perfectly aligns with St Paul’s Cathedral,

But only if that happens to be the second Friday of June

Obviously, no umbrellas up inside are you insane it’s a Wednesday?!

Or maybe I should just eat that pastry, even though it’s terribly bad luck to do so on a train

Sometimes it’s worth the slight worry of going to a party, even if the house number is 13

Perhaps it is ok to wear that top even though my stomach pokes out a bit

And I think you should go on a date with them, even if they’re a Gemini

Why not listen to Britney Spears on a Monday? Shit slaps.

And fuck it, walk under the ladder because you really can’t be arsed to go round.

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