The Misconceptions about Confidence

They say confidence comes in a bright sudden roar, that you turn from a kitten to a lion in a day, that it is loud and triumphant, and although I don’t have it all figure it out yet, let me tell you about this triumph we are all looking for.

We tend to link confidence with a kick, with noise and presence. The confident one is the one who talks the loudest. The confident one succeeds. He or she is number one. Also, a confident person is obviously lucky in relationships. He or she loves to show themselves around. The confident one has thousand of followers, the confident one gets lots of comments under their pictures, the confident one is appreciated by all.

Those are limited believes, misconceptions we grew up with. Through years and tough events, here’s what I learned: confidence is about processing and learning. Confidence is about self-love and resilience.

Confidence is about becoming who you want to become. At your own pace. Living up to your values. It’s about knowing who you are, or at least figuring it out. Lorde – probably one of my favourite artists – said something in the line of: “When you know who you are, what others say about you doesn’t matter anymore.”

Confidence is about valuing your worth not on your wins, but on your ability to bounce back. Nothing but your genuine character, outside of success, stepping out from the desire, the need of impressing people around you. Confidence may not be about being loud about it, – although if you want to, shout it – it may be more about a calm, deeper and inner strength. Silence, sometimes. Kindness to others, most of all. The confident one would never – ever – need to crush others to feel valuable and important: he or she would be happy to lift people up instead. Also, kindness shall never be mistaken with weakness, and it is all about knowing what you agree to allow in your life and what you don’t.

Confidence is about minding your own business. Not anyone else’s, because you’re already content with your existence, and you recognize noise for what it is: just noise. Confidence is about acceptance. Confidence is about knowing that you won’t always be the best version of yourself, that you may break and make mistakes, but that eventually, it will be fine and that you’ll make amends. Firstly to yourself.

Confidence is about a long-term relationship, and there are a few things in life as hard – or sometimes as simple and natural – as long-term relationships. Because it requires time and stamina. But the process in himself is beautiful, a blooming one, full of surprises.

Today, I could say I became that lioness. Yet, the lioness can fall back into a kitten sometimes, and if she does, I shall take care of her, just like the precious people that love her will. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable. There’s strength in vulnerability, and power too, trust me.

Most times I run – too, extremely – fast, but if some days I’m not feeling like it, I’m willing to walk at a slower pace. Yet, even if moving slowly, you should always keep on moving. It doesn’t matter if you did three steps in a day and ran miles the day before. You’ll walk faster tomorrow.

Confidence is built, every single day, with the same attention, patience and love as a sculptor would with his or her most beautiful piece. A sculpture that he or she aims to remain powerful through time, like the splendid Greek ones, instead of believing in the quickly and angrily sand castles made by the waves.

But the waves can’t move the marble.

It aims to stay still and strong and it has no fear of being shaken by the waters. Because the waters themselves know they would lose all strength trying to break it, and if wisdom doesn’t strike them in their useless and repetitive hit, weariness will, and they shall retire, in respect.

Maëlle Leggiadro

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