He’s just not that into you and other existential dilemmas

The universe is expanding. Soon it will explode. So, what if I forgot your birthday?

What happens when we die? Is there an after-life? And if so, will there be boys?

My date stood me up metaphysically yesterday. He looked inside my soul and ran out the restaurant.

Well, by the time you’ve sworn you will always love him, and he’s said his love is undying, the inconvenient truth, dear reader, is that one of you is lying. Mostly because you ripped off Whitney Houston.

To be a good lover, one must be strong. How strong? Well, open that jar of tomato sauce for a start.

Lovers fall head over heels. If you don’t have any heels, trainers will also do the trick.

When you were young, your heart was an open book. Now it’s that book that you got 10 pages into and put down for a rainy day five summers ago.

In bed – “When were you planning to turn off your phone?” “They say love is light.”

Gender is a social construct, men doubly so.

Image courtesy of Alexander Kaunas.

Categories: Monologues, Short StoriesTags: , ,

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