It would be nice, right, if life were like a romcom
Everything would be dandy, wouldn’t have to get savvy
And you’d be running through New York on New Year’s Eve like
In When Harry met Sally –
But my lovelife’s a little bit more Noah and Ali
Yeah you should probably get the tissues
And not in the good way
Because I’m driving at seventy but there’s speedbumps on my motorway –
And I’ve got this fear, right, that I’m gonna marry the wrong one
Or I’ll get to the Empire State Building and Chuck will already be gone
Or you’re looking Pretty in Pink but he’s brought another girl to the prom.
Because don’t get me wrong – I love a romcom
But it’s no good pretending these films are based off real dudes
When the three little words I receive
Tend to be please send nudes –
I guess what I’m saying is romcoms just aren’t realistic
These films are getting our expectations all twisted
Because I’m expecting all the empathy and love of The Breakfast Club
But, when I walk in the pub, your eyes hit the floor
And I’m ignored
And, boy, I’m fucking bored
I can think of Ten Things I Hate About You
And ten more things I would like to throw at you.
I guess this romance thing just isn’t easy, eh?
Because like in Easy A, these boys are sleezy, eh?
And I could waste my days waiting for a text back and two blue ticks
Or I could get on with living my life, avoiding these pricks.
I’ll be a Pretty Woman with my own credit card.
And, babe, you can Call Me By Your Name when the going gets hard
But til then, I am so good just being a girl –
Stood in front of a microphone – spilling some truth.
