Green Glasses

To the people being rude about my green glasses behind me in the theatre,

I am sorry that I hide behind them.

I find the world too bright

And they stop me from getting overwhelmed.

To my society,

I’m sorry that sometimes I can’t do social gatherings.

My brain gets tired of having to translate how other people are feeling and thinking.

I can’t deal with the screaming of constant translating.

To my best friends,

I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in public the other day,

I don’t always get the social translations right.

Though I’m glad you found it funny,

I found it funny too.

To my partner,

I’m sorry we couldn’t meet in that pub.

I know its your favourite place

But the music is too loud and I can’t focus on anything else

And I just want to talk to you.

To the person who nearly hit me with their car,

I’m sorry I walk about in a daze,

My brain can’t shut off the many things it has to do

Nor staring at the stars and contemplating problems of the universe.

To my mother,

I am sorry for all the stress I put you through with my health conditions,

It can’t be easy seeing your child in excruciating amounts of pain

Though I’m getting better.

Yet again, to my partner,

I’m sorry I don’t let you sleep in my bed,

I know you see it as rejection but

I scream in the night.

I can’t stay still.

I sleep sing.

And you would not want that.

I worry that if you see the imperfect side of me

You will leave.

To my housemates,

I’m sorry I struggle to complete basic house chores.

It must be infuriating but

My brain panics when it has to follow a set of instructions.

To you, it may seem simple washing clothes

But for me it took four loads before I managed to work it out.

To my friends,

I’m sorry I didn’t watch the fireworks with you,

I know its your favourite event of the year

It used to be one of mine too but

They remind me of my past.

I struggle to not re-live it as it is.

To my house mates again,

I’m sorry I spend so much time in my room.

I know you want to spend time with me but

Anxiety and depression are tiring and

I need to rest.

Again to my partner,

I’m sorry I don’t let you touch me.

I don’t want you to leave me but

Sometimes I find the situation too intense

And I need you to slow down

And tell me everything is going to be ok.

For the last time, to my ex-partner,

I’m sorry I didn’t communicate much.

I know that’s the reason you left

Because you didn’t think I cared.

It terrified me to tell you that I loved you.

I do, so much.

But now its too late

And I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting that

I didn’t explain to you that I see the world slightly differently

To how you see it.

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